And I felt I was on fire with the things I could have told you
I guess I just assumed that you eventually would ask
And I wouldn’t have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months I just wanted to sleep
And though spring, it did come slowly, I guess it did its part
My heart has thawed and continues to beat.

Role-playing is not exclusive to BDSM, but it is an important aspect in the lifestyle. Role-playing is the changing of one’s behaviour to assume a role, either unconsciously or consciously, to act out an adopted or social role. In BDSM, sexual role playing is an erotic form of role-playing. It involves power roles and form part of the Dominance and submission aspect. Roles can be general designations of power positions, or very specific, detailed fantasies. The controlling player is often called the top or Dominant, while the controlled individual is called the bottom or submissive.

The sexual fantasy itself plays an important role in determining what a couple may indulge in and how far; the content and goals of the sexual fantasy vary greatly between individuals and are subject to personal desires. These fantasies range from the mundane to the bizarre, and a person may have none to a full desire to carry out an imagined act. Fantasies allow people to imagine themselves in roles they do not normally have, such as power, innocence, and guilt. Many couples share their fantasies to feel closer and gain more intimacy and trust, or simply to become more aroused or effect a more powerful physical response.

The most common role playing scenarios are as follows:

Ageplay – is a form of role playing in which an individual acts and/or treats another as if they were a different age.

Animal-play – where a player is treated as an animal; such as a dog or pony.

Master-slave – where a player is treated as the property of the master/mistress.

Torturer/Captive prisoner – where one player is a captor who abuses the other.

Kidnapped fantasy – The submissive player is bound and gagged, then teased before the sexual act.

Authority figure – where a player takes on the role of an authority figure and blackmails or humiliates his or her partner into sexual activity.

Gender-play – where one or more players take on roles of the opposite sex.

Medical fantasies – involving doctors, nurses and patients.

Uniform fetish – one participant dresses in uniform while the dominant participant plays an authority figure. (naughty school girl and principal).

Rape fantasy —where one player feigns being coerced into an unwelcome sex act.

Owner/Inanimate object – being human furniture.

Prison fetish – Role play using a prison scene. Given that real life prisons are same-sex communities, this fetish does lend itself to male on male or female on female activities and settings. Opposite gender play is also possible between inmates and guards. Prison play is also an expansion of the uniform fetish.

As always, no BDSM partnership, even sexual role-playing, should be entered into without the full consent of all participants, even if the fantasy is of a nonconsensual nature. Never enter into a fantasy with someone if they refuse to allow or respond to safe words. Safe words are for everyone’s safety. To coerce someone into a sexual situation without consent is a breach of trust and as I have stated before, a major button pusher for me.

In erotic books, I have a hard time enjoying a storyline where the woman or man is threatened, coerced, or forced into a sexual relationship against their wishes—especially a BDSM relationship. Even if the hero or heroine later redeems themselves, the damage has been done in my eyes. Being a Dom/Domme is not an excuse to be an arse, and being a sub is not a free pass to be rude or dismissive of your partner’s wants and needs. Even in fiction.

While enacting your fantasies, please do not forget these are just fantasies.You must know what is fantasy, what is reality, and what can be realistically brought to the scene. When the scene is done, the fantasy ends, and you must be able to understand and accept that. Also, while you may have fantasies about walking your partner as a dog through the dog park, you must remember this is your fantasy and not the general public’s. They may not be receptive to your and your partner’s kinks.